I Love Not Listening To Giftmas Songs

Lately I have been enjoying myself by takin' it easy. i got out of class on the 12th of December and it is lovely to be able to simply (work) and hang out with my friends and gf.

i have been on the prowl lately for shoes. my old shoes of two years finally began to curl their toes upward. i even went and looked at both buffalos and both red lights (shitty expensive retail stores that try), but no luck yet. i settled for a pair of adidas that are a size too large for me. but at least they are relatively comfortable for now.

the one person i didn't like at my work got fired a week or two ago, so no more bad vibes and unnecessary pseudo-aggression/aggression.

my buddy from flg, omar, left a message on my phone telling me that he was at macy's in flg and was at that moment gazing at my father. i guess father and Loo must've detoured their way into flg on their travels. did you find many good t.s. things, Loo? hopefully.

so, as L requested, here is the "full length story." i wrote it for my final in my CREATIVE WRITING: FICTION class;


The Spinning Wall

“I don’t know if I wanna do this,” Lou said. She was tugging on her mother’s arm now, looking around nervously at the low-hanging signs. On the nearest sign Lou could make out an illustration of what looked like a tiny wooden barrel, about to plummet off the top of a huge, bottomless waterfall. The words “The Barrel” were emblazoned on the top of the sign in fierce, bright lettering.
Lou and her mother were standing, finally, at the very front of a long line. Just feet away from them stood an old-looking, wooden structure. They were in the heart of Santa Clara Theme Park.
“Honey, you can’t keep changing your mind like this,” Lou’s mother responded, looking down at her. “You already missed out on two roller coasters yesterday and the Haunted House this morning. Right now your brothers are off at Scream River having the log ride of their lives. Can’t you just try to have a good time?”
Lou looked down at the toes of her worn-out tennis shoes, trying to work up some nerve. “But mom…” she said tremulously, “what about that person who’s chair malfunctioned on that roller coaster in Florida? Couldn’t that just as easily happen here too?” Sylvia, one of Lou’s friends back in Scraper Springs, Nevada, had mentioned this story to Lou right before she left for the family trip. And she knew that Sylvia didn’t make stuff like that up. Lou started scanning the area frantically for some means of escape. Her tall, gangly, eleven-year-old self was beginning to tremble. She knew she couldn’t just run away from her mother; that was out of the question. She probably wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house for a month if she did something like that.
“Lou, even if that really did happen,” her mother began, “that would be a one-in-a-million, freak accident. I told you honey, this isn’t anything like one of those big roller coasters. You don’t even have to sit in a chair on this one.”
Still, Lou glanced anxiously in the direction of the exit doors. The many freckles that dappled her young face were starting to turn pale.
Lou wished they could’ve gone to Arcata instead. At least at the beach the only thing to be afraid of was getting sand in your eyes, or swallowing too much salt water, or getting eaten by a shark. Not like here. Not where terror was supposed to be fun. How fun to free-fall twenty stories down into a triple spiral, and then to stand in line for another hour and a half for yet another horrifying, thirty-second ride.
“And besides,” her mother continued, “we’ve just spent the last forty-five minutes standing in line for this.”
But Lou was no longer listening. It was clear that her mother had already made the decision for her; they would go on this ride. Lou braced herself for the impending terror. She could only imagine what the insides of that rickety old ride had in store for her.
One of the ride attendants walked past Lou and her mother once more, this time indicating to them that they could now enter the ride.
Lou tremulously took her mother’s outstretched hand and they entered The Barrel through its single entrance door. Upon entering, another ride attendant briskly ushered them into formation along the wall.
Lou forced herself to slowly take in the round room. Another ride attendant walked past her, making sure that everyone was evenly spaced along the smooth, circular wall of the ride. This particular ride didn’t look so bad, Lou reasoned, trying to calm herself. The ceiling was of painted, caged steel and was lower than any other ride she had ever seen. It looked sturdy at least, she thought, remembering the steel walkways on a bridge near her dad’s house. While they had been waiting in line, Lou’s mother had said that the room would just spin around and around - kind of like a merry-go-round. Lou had been on merry-go-rounds before and thought that if this ride was anything like a merry-go-round, she could handle it. She still wondered, though, at how all the other kids and grown-ups in the room seemed to be so relaxed; almost everyone was casually lined up along the wall, waiting expectantly for the ride to begin. Lou didn’t see any safety belts or chairs or restraints of any kind anywhere in the room. This ride surely wouldn’t get going very fast or else everybody in the room would have to be strapped down securely into some kind of harness or safety chair or something to prevent them slamming into other people. She couldn’t help but get a little excited along with everybody else. The general feeling of feverish anticipation in the room was contagious.
After making sure that everyone was in their designated place, the last attendant on the floor exited through the single door and closed it behind her.
Lou took a long, deep breath. She looked up at her mother. For the first time since they had entered the Barrel, her mother looked uncertain.
Lou heard an indistinct shout from somewhere beyond the wall. Seconds later she heard a deep humming noise coming up from beneath the floor. With a heavy grinding sound, the circular wall and floor began to rotate slowly clockwise. The room steadily picked up more and more speed. As she began spinning around, faster and faster, Lou found that she could no longer lift her head away from the wall but was instead pinned irresistibly against it. She suddenly realized that the pull from continuously spinning around so powerfully had shifted her weight (and everybody else’s in the room) onto the wall. Lou could feel the tips of her shoes touching the floor, but they were barely brushing against the floor’s surface.
Then something very unexpected happened. The now uninhabited floor began to descend! Inch by inch, Lou watched in wide-eyed fascination as the floor sank further and further away from her spot on the rapidly rotating wall. Downward the floor crept - ever widening the gap between ceiling and floor - until it finally stopped; it could have been ten feet below her. And all the while Lou stayed steadfastly in mid air, pressed against the wall. It was a very strange feeling for Lou to look directly across the room at a girl on the opposite side. The girl looked tacked to the wall, with her baggy clothes pressed closely against her body as though in a heavy wind.
Lou looked sideways at her mother. She looked as though she were hovering eerily between the floor and the ceiling. Her eyes were closed tightly and she was mouthing soundlessly, moving her head back and forth.
Lou looked around in amazement at others along the wall. They too were all suspended by NOTHING, practically ten feet above the floor. Lou looked back at the girl opposite her on the spinning wall. It looked as though the girl was lying down on the wall, and that the floor had then become the wall.
Lou felt giddy. No one was even screaming on this ride. The sensation of the ride seemed to be enjoyment enough for the passengers. Lou didn’t feel at all like she had on that other roller coaster she had gone on the previous year. She wasn’t being jerked around uncomfortably or going upside down or having to hang on for “dear life” as her mother had called it afterward. This was almost fun! Lou nearly forgot why she didn’t like going on rides. But, oh no, wait…
Lou closed her eyes. All the constant spinning was beginning to make her feel sick beyond dizziness. She finally felt the spinning of the wall begin to slow down and suddenly realized there was floor beneath her feet once more.
It was a little while after the room came to a complete stop that Lou opened her eyes again. She looked up and saw that her mother was still leaning against the wall beside her, looking disconcerted. All the other passengers were already herding unsteadily toward the exit door. Almost everyone was moving very slowly, still dizzy from the frantic rotating of the room. Lou’s own head was still spinning so much that she could barely distinguish the walls from the floor.
After a moment, Lou and her mother joined the queue of exit-ers. A minute and a half later they were both standing outside, squinting in the brilliance of the afternoon sunlight. Lou blinked hard a few times. The cloudless, summer day slowly came into sharper focus. And, as a slight breeze fluttered the hair on her forehead, Lou felt her equilibrium gradually return. She glanced up at her mother again, who was looking a little greener than usual.
“Okay, come on, let’s go meet your brothers,” Lou’s mother said, briefly steadying her self on one of the turnstiles near the exit gate.
After another moment they set off in the direction of the food court, Lou walking slightly in front.
They walked along in silence. Lou’s mother had her arm on Lou’s shoulder for support. The sidewalk was littered with brightly colored candy wrappers, smashed popcorn boxes, and the remains of popped balloon animals. They passed a huge, fire-engine-red roller coaster and heard the terrified screams of teenagers zooming about the numerous loop-d-loops. Lou recalled how frightening that other roller coaster had been. How she hadn’t really known what to expect when she and her brothers had reached the top of that first hill. Her dominant memory of last year’s trip was of how unpleasant the whole experience had been. It hadn’t been nearly as entertaining as the Barrel ride.
“I think I’m done going on rides for the day, too,” her mother said faintly, once they had walked a little further along.
Lou smiled to herself.
A few moments later, Lou and her mother arrived at a balloon archway, the entrance to the food court. Almost immediately after they entered, Lou and her mother heard a squeaky shout and looked over to see two boys sitting at one of the many picnic tables at the center of the food court.
“Mom!” Lou’s eldest brother Roy shouted, holding up a large half-eaten cheese-covered pretzel, exuberance and cheese all over his freckled face. Roy was thirteen. Lou’s eleven-year-old brother twin brother, Travis, was sitting on the bench behind him, grinning big behind a ketchup and mustard drizzled hot dog.
“Did you look after your younger brother while we were gone? Was everything okay?” Lou’s mother asked as she and Lou sat down opposite the two boys.
“Yes mom.” Roy replied, rolling his eyes. “ We were fine. Hey look, this is my third one!” he said, holding up his half-eaten pretzel.
“Roy! I told you only to spend that money if you had to,” Lou’s mother said, crossing her arms. Lou noticed that her mother’s voice still sounded a little weak.
“So… did you guys have fun on the log ride?” Lou asked, hoping to change the subject.
“Yeah!” both boys shouted at once.
“It was so amazing mom! Travis burst out. “I got to sit in the very front of the log and Roy was sitting right behind me-”
Roy cut across him, “and when we went down the first waterfall Travis screamed like a girl and then I went down the next waterfall with NO hands! We got really wet!” The boys showed off the wetness of their jeans.
“Can I get a pretzel too, mom?” Lou said, eyeing the menu of the nearest food cart.
The combined smells of the entire food court area were wafting heavily across their picnic table, creating a pungent aroma of burning hot dogs and greasy hamburger meat, coupled with fried chicken legs and cotton candy. Lou’s mother was resting her head in her hands. She was beginning to look nauseous. Lou knew how grossed out her mother got whenever she smelled red meat cooking.
Lou’s mother was a vegetarian, though she never forced this preference upon any of her children. She was now taking slow, deep breaths through her mouth, propping herself up with her elbows.
“What’s wrong with you mom?” Travis asked, as bits of his condimented hot dog flew from his open mouth onto the picnic table. His mother looked over at him but quickly looked away again. “Please don’t talk with your mouth full, honey,” she said, though her voice was barely audible.
“Mom’s still lightheaded from the Barrel ride.” Lou said, allowing some sympathy into her voice.
At that precise moment, a particularly dense current of air - smelling of hamburger meat and bloody greases – drifted lazily over and settled itself upon Lou’s family’s table. As Roy opened his mouth to respond, Lou’s mother suddenly got up from the table and started hurriedly off in the direction of the restroom on the other side of the food court. She almost made it.
Lou and her brothers watched, transfixed, as their mother staggered to a stop fifteen feet from the restroom door, her hand covering her mouth. With a great gagging noise that resounded throughout the entire food court, she vomited. Lurching, into a trashcan just a few feet away from a family of six sitting down to lunch.
Most people tried not to stare. Even the mother of the family of six was valiantly trying to act as though nothing was happening - she was shushing her curious children, urging them to look back at their mashed potatoes and blended fruit smoothies, their root beer floats.
It took a little while for Lou and her brothers to do anything but stare. They had never seen their mother do anything like that before.
By the expression on his face, Lou could tell that Roy didn’t know whether he should laugh or be concerned for his mother. He seemed to settle on a kind of befuddled grimace.
“So did you even go on that barrel ride?” Travis asked Lou, his eyes wide.
“Yeah I did,” said Lou, staring straight back at him.
“Woww.”
Travis gazed at Lou for the duration of his hot dog.
Roy was still looking bemused. His own mother, the main ally of his thrill-seeking agendas, had just gotten sick from a kiddy ride.
A few minutes after she had disappeared embarrassedly into the restroom to clean up, Lou’s mother finally returned to the table where her children sat. There was definitely no absence of color evident in her face now.
“Are you all right mom?” Lou asked, setting down her warm pretzel and peering over at her.
“I’m fine, honey. Thank you.,” her mother replied, and she did look a bit better.
Lou knew that her brothers weren’t brave enough to tease their mother about what had just happened, at least not right away.
“Mom,” Roy said, looking appraisingly in Lou’s direction, “can we go on the Fear’s Black Out roller coaster next?”
“I don’t know honey, I do think we should at least stay together for the rest of the day.” She looked at Lou. “What do you feel like doing, Lou?”
Lou looked at her mother in surprise. Then, glancing back at Roy, she said, “Well…”
Perhaps the remaining day of the trip wouldn’t be so terrible after all.

fin.

my instructor kept making me make the story longer, "more fleshed out," she would say. it is like 9 pages. long. hopefully you made it all the way through. or not.

adge's grandfather died a few days ago. he had gone off the deep end a couple years ago, but Adge's dad is pretty torn up about his death. Adge has been consoling him, just hanging out with him a lot these last few days. it is cool and good that they live so close to eachother, only like 10 miles. her dad is married, but Adge's mom isn't too much of a comfort i guess. she is a product of our society. projections of her, are now her. not enough going on behind her smiling eyes. she is forty-something and still REALLY wants everyone to think she's pretty.
anyway, as adge put it, "she's not even there for herself, how can she be there for [her husband]."
good point, i guess.

i am listening to that Josephine Foster album that i got from the catwrangleurs. i really like it. thank you.

spring and myself went to a li'l show a couple nights ago to support two of her friends from work. it was a smoking bar, which was terrible. our throats and eyes stung. i had to go outside sometimes. anyway, one of the guys sang a song on a ukulele about how he was bad in bed. it was pretty funny. the other guy, who's birthday celebration it happened to be, sang (with guitar) a boyz II men song, which was hilarious. then he sang the chipmunks christmas song. y'know the one where they sing, "[something something]...i want a hoooo-la-hoop...". it is probably one of the only christmas songs i can stomach.

we had to leave early 'cause of the putrid death inducing stench that clung low and constant in that dimly lit room.




be seeing you.